I have a hard time when I finish a Sexy Accident album. This band is a source of meaning for me. It's a big part of who I am. Maybe it's not the single most important thing about being Jesse, but it's up there. So going from tracking overdubs and working with guest musicians and making lots of small, even minute arrangement decisions can be pretty jarring. I don't have enough to think about!
That's not a good place for my brain. When I'm idle I can obsess over unpleasant things simply for a lack of good, productive mental fuel to burn. I starve for hairy creative problems to solve. I'm used to walking the streets of Volker whistling parts and singing lines. Now I've got silence bouncing around my skull.
There's much left to do to put out this record, especially with our unusual plan for the physical form (I'll tell you soon), and I am excited by those challenges. But the creative process behind the music is mostly done for me. Steve Fisk is mixing. I'll provide feedback, but he's so damned good that I'm pretty much off the hook. I've even got the track order done, barring any last minute epiphanies.
I am staring at a blank canvas of no songs. I have no idea how I want to sound next, or what I want to sing about. I have no tunes or riffs. No ideas about instrumentation, color or tone. I'll wait and fumble and find inspiration. Maybe I'll sit and play the old Cure, XTC and Wedding Present songs that got me into guitar in the first place. Eventually I'll experience something striking personally, or witness big things in another person's life, or see art that sees/feels/looks/sounds absolutely nothing like my work.
If I'm lucky, it won't be long before something moves me. I want to fix it NOW, but there's no shortcut. I can pick up the guitar. I can hum a melody. And I do! But I don't really feel it right now. Nothing is sticking, yet.
In these doldrums, I feel deeply bored/boring and dissatisfied with aspects of my life that have absolutely nothing to do with my art. That's not fair to my family and friends. But it's a phase, and I should probably cut myself a little slack. This blog post reminds me of that. :)
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